I have been musing about a thought that entered my mind several weeks ago. One of the ways we heal is learning to live alone, creating a new life without the partner we envisioned as part of our life for as far as we could imagine. We have to reinvent ourselves, looking back and trying to bring forward that person that we were prior to meeting our lost ones, doesn’t work, in order to do that we would have to erase all the years we had with our late spouses, even if that were possible, I doubt if many of us would choose that option.
So trying to put together the person you are now while keeping the memories you cherish, but separating yourself from the life you had and the life you envisioned is no simple feat. The easiest choice would be to stay in the mourning phase forever because in that phase we have an identity, but what a dark life that would be and possibly all-consuming. Some of us will immediately seek involvement in a new relationship, lets face that is where we are all most comfortable, and for some that will work. As for me I tried this twice and was a miserable flop at it, and unfortunately caused some emotional grief to the women involved, for which I am truly sorry, but learning from this I am now extremely cautious when checking out the possibility of a new relationship.
Well I am rambling on…getting to the thought I mentioned above: As we become whole again part of this is learning to live alone. For this thought put aside all financial considerations.
Now how many of you think you would have a problem sharing your life with a partner 24/7, totally immersing yourself in the new relationship, changing once again. Possible giving up what you worked so long to create.
How many of you would be more comfortable in a committed, monogamous relationship where each person maintains their own residence, but you do things together and spend days and nights together as each other wants.
I have had this conversation with several fellow widows/widowers and have received thoughts for both options. I know the longer I live alone, the more I am beginning to cherish the lone life, but on the other hand, a very important factor for me is having someone to share this life with, how many of you find yourself in this quandary?