These are just my thoughts, and yours may be very different, but hopefully this will compel some to think a little differently.
Many years ago I purchased an inflatable kayak, a Sea Eagle 370, single or tandem, my wife and I had many great times in that inflatable. Then I decided I wanted to have a “real” kayak a hard shell, but needed a tandem, so after much research purchased a Jackson Big Tuna, which is as kayaks go expensive. Now needed a rack for the top of my SUV, which is also expensive, and this kayak weighs 100 pounds empty. So after spending quite a lot of money I was ready to enter the “real Kayaking” arena.
Now for the interesting part, my wife was suffering from degenerative back issues since the 90’s, and I knew this new kayak would be easier for her to contribute to the paddling, and more comfortable with better seats and lumbar support which was true, but what I did not realize, that due to the size and weight of the hard shell she would not be able to contribute to the loading and unloading or moving it to the water from the car. I did not realize that based on her personality that this factor would reduce her enjoyment of kayaking, but needless to say we used it less and less as her back problems increased.
Now here is where the parallels begin, since I had a hard shell, I had become a “Kayak snob”, and like most kayakers looked down on those using inflatables. I mean after all they are not real kayakers.
Now this train of thought has also moved me to consider those of us trying to make a new life after losing a spouse. There will be many of us that will respond negatively to the following, but each of has to make their own choices, and live with those choices. If you look at life a simplistic view is everything that has happened has been based on our choices. Many of us have preconceived imbedded choices and will not even consider any other options, for every choice there is a consequence, many times for the better and sometimes not so good, but when you limit your choices you are limiting your life and possible happiness.
How many of us have and I really hate this term but find it is used constantly “Deal Breakers” that are applied immediately before even getting to know the other person.
- She/he is too fat; I mean really how many of us have turned to emotional eaters in an attempt to deal. Maybe we should find out who the person is, before applying our choice.
- She/he drinks, (this excludes alcoholics which is a disease and may be more than any of us can handle) now what’s wrong with a drink or two and maybe a few too many once in a while, maybe it’s like emotional eating.
- He/she smokes, Ok how many of us started smoking again when our spouses became ill, ok so it’s a bad habit, maybe that person just needs support to quit or not, but there again pre-judgement…..
- She/he is too set in her/his ways maybe they just need a reason to adapt and see new avenues and discover new and interesting/exciting ways.
- She/he is too far away, I mean really, if distance is a problem for you personally then you are really limiting your possibilities, I have driven 10 hours to meet a lady, it didn’t work but at least I know and will not always be wondering.
- She/he will not move, I believe there is always a possible compromise to this, but each person has to decide this on their own, but why not consider the options.
- She/he will or will not marry again….at our ages what does a piece of paper mean, and there are financial considerations at play especially for the ladies, there are many legal avenues available to provide the necessary protections and security if needed.
- She/he just wants to have sex, alright guys this is for you, many, many of the ladies complain about this. Guys if sex is what you are after then get a hooker and stay out widowed arena. Sex is a very necessary part of a relationship, but one must realize that there are vast differences of the emotional connection that happens when a man and woman get intimate, and guys if you will admit it sex is always better when there is an emotional connection for us guys also. Sex in a relationship is something that shouldn’t be planned, but rather allowed to happen when it happens.
As for me, I am ordering an inflatable kayak this week! I refuse to limit my possibilities in any area of life because of preconceived choices, or because of what other people think.