Took a little hike this morning Saturday, June 30 2018 to the Allatoona Pass Battlefield. If you want more information follow this link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Allatoona
I have been musing about a thought that entered my mind several weeks ago. One of the ways we heal is learning to live alone, creating a new life without the partner we envisioned as part of our life for as far as we could imagine. We have to reinvent ourselves, looking back and trying to bring forward that person that we were prior to meeting our lost ones, doesn’t work, in order to do that we would have to erase all the years we had with our late spouses, even if that were possible, I doubt if many of us would choose that option.
So trying to put together the person you are now while keeping the memories you cherish, but separating yourself from the life you had and the life you envisioned is no simple feat. The easiest choice would be to stay in the mourning phase forever because in that phase we have an identity, but what a dark life that would be and possibly all-consuming. Some of us will immediately seek involvement in a new relationship, lets face that is where we are all most comfortable, and for some that will work. As for me I tried this twice and was a miserable flop at it, and unfortunately caused some emotional grief to the women involved, for which I am truly sorry, but learning from this I am now extremely cautious when checking out the possibility of a new relationship.
Well I am rambling on…getting to the thought I mentioned above: As we become whole again part of this is learning to live alone. For this thought put aside all financial considerations.
Now how many of you think you would have a problem sharing your life with a partner 24/7, totally immersing yourself in the new relationship, changing once again. Possible giving up what you worked so long to create.
How many of you would be more comfortable in a committed, monogamous relationship where each person maintains their own residence, but you do things together and spend days and nights together as each other wants.
I have had this conversation with several fellow widows/widowers and have received thoughts for both options. I know the longer I live alone, the more I am beginning to cherish the lone life, but on the other hand, a very important factor for me is having someone to share this life with, how many of you find yourself in this quandary?
Well fellow widows/widowers it has been 18 months since my lovely wife Sharon we were together for 34 years succumbed to cancer after a long 16 month battle during which I was the care giver 24/7 and wouldn’t have had it any other way. During these 18 months I have been trying to find my life again, as we all are, I started thinking back to my life with her. We were both physically active not only sharing the duties of house maintenance, but hiking several times each week (6-10 miles each hike) and kayaking as much as possible.
My wife suffered from severe back problems cause by a traffic accident when she was a teenager, after numerous surgeries and under the care of a pain management Dr. her physical limitations caused us to change what we did not only around the house but for recreation. I put together a plan for us to travel to small towns through the southeast with camera in hand and document our journey. I retired in 2013 at age 63. We bought another house in 2014 took us little over a year to make the house ours, painting and landscaping the whole lot and of course new furniture. We finished in June 2015, and shortly after Sharon started having mental issues. Doctor visit; diagnosis lung cancer with mets to the brain, lymph node, bones and many other organs she was given 2 weeks. After radiation, chemo, cyber knife she lasted 16 months, and when she finally decided to quit the battle she entered in home hospice on a Monday evening at 7pm and passed that Friday December 9, 2016 at 6:42am with me at her side.
Like many of us the major problem we have is what we do now! Well through a lot of soul searching and headache causing brain work the last few weeks; I am still going to take the journey through out the small towns of the southeast with camera in hand and document on a blog I have started. Had to order a new one cause my lovely daughter as absconded with all the ones I had. This journey will have a new purpose to enjoy life again and hopefully find my chapter 2 along the way and when I do then we will start a new journey through our lives together.
Thanks for joining me!
First of all this is not a site about grief, each person handles that in their own way.
I was very fortunate to have had a most wonderful wife and life with her, we were together for 34 years, and married for 32. My wife was 8 years younger than I, so during our life together I made sure that she would be financially cared for after my demise. Life happens and at age 59 my lovely wife succumbed after a furious 16 month battle with cancer. We had two children, a boy, and a girl, both are well educated, married and doing very well in life. It has been 18 months since her death, and I finally have figured out something do to with my life. This blog will document my travels and meetings and of course the ups and downs of life after. I have chosen the Phoenix for this sites symbol, because it fits perfectly to where I am now.